We all have fears, big or small, it’s all subjective. Fear of spiders, fear of losing someone, fear of heights, fear of taking planes, and the list goes on and on.
But there’s this one fear within me. One fear that I’ve always known that it is there but I have never acknowledged formally, I have never thought about it, never admitted to it, and now, here I am, tying to conceptualize and put into words this fear of mine.
WARNING: this blog post is going to be messy and (most probably) will not make sense.
I have a fear of letting people into my life. (Does that even make sense?)
I havent been to a lot of places and done a lot of things because I want it to be with someone special. I haven’t been to an aquarium, I haven’t been to a water theme park, I haven’t gone holiday-ing with my friends (besides school trips), I have never drunk alcohol (I know, I know), I haven’t been to a theatre in 2 years, I haven’t gone ice skating/roller blading, I have never been to a club etc etc. Well, people have asked me along, but I always say no because I wanted it to be with someone special. Someone special that would have a significant impact in my life until I grow old, someone special who wouldn’t fade away as the friendship starts to die down, and because of that, I haven’t had a lot of experiences. I am afraid that if I let them into my life, they wouldn’t stay long enough and soon, they’ll just be another memory of stranger I once used to know. And then, when I am old, I would find myself dumb for wasting time with strangers. Strangers who I once knew. I don’t let people into my life easily and share moments with them, for fear that one day, they might just disappear, the friendship might die off, etc.
And that, that doesn’t make me happy. It feels like I’m not living life, I’m not enjoying it as much as I should be and as much as I can, and it feel like I’m just cooped up in my own world all the time. Having said that, it’s important to not be afraid to let people into our lives. Sure, they might hurt us like an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend and the thought of someone who used to be your closest friend turning into a stranger might sound scary, people will fade in and out of your life, and people who you share the greatest moments with might not be significant to you anymore. But hey, those people and those memories will help to shape who you are and who you will be. You might make the wrong friend, but, those experiences will teach you what to watch out for next time. Don’t be afraid to let people into your life, and to open up to people, because for all you know, those first moments you share with friends-turning-into-potential-strangers might turn out to be someone extraordinary.
It might sound cliche, but live life to the fullest. (Not in the dumb sense like getting arrested or whatever)